Filed Nightly · While you were sleeping · 2026-10-28
Four uncovered contenders. One saucepan with a staffing problem. A horse has found the controller.
the garnish would like a credit.
While you were sleeping, working, or making a defensible use of your time, the internet assembled another fight card. We have appointed ourselves judges. Nobody checked our references.
05 MOST LITIGIOUS SMALL BALL
Brewers–Rays Game 4 is in the feed. Our imaginary baseball has petitioned to have being hit with a stick recognized as a workplace grievance. The bat has retained counsel. The glove says it was trying to help. We understand none of the rules, but the ball appears to have a fucking case.
06 BEST ATTEMPT TO CALL A BUILDING WEATHER
The data-center argument is about land, water and power. Entirely reasonable things for neighbours to notice. Our drawing has sent a server rack to a planning meeting carrying a glass the size of a bath. It describes itself as a cloud. The kettle would like to know whether clouds normally arrive with plumbing requirements.
07 POUND-FOR-POUND BREAKFAST CHAMPION
NYT Cooking’s AI tools are in the feed. A recipe for four has acquired a fifth person, and he has opinions about chickpeas. Our imaginary saucepan now requires a second saucepan to summarize the first saucepan’s recommendations. We were going to make lunch. We appear to be onboarding a fucking soup.
10 MOST CONFIDENT PERSON IN THE WRONG GENRE
People are talking about playing Deadlock. Our drawing has supplied a padlock and a horse, because the graphics desk understood exactly one syllable and then got excited. The horse has brought a controller. We have asked it to stop calling every button “gallop.”
